Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize