She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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