Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
