And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
