my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
