have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
