my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
