Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
