one two three fourrrrnication!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
