a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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