You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How does one acquire holy water?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
