Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
