Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
