so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
