guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
