i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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