Just fell off a train. Bad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
