at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
