Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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