It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
