I am puke
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
