About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
