it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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