I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
