operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
