having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
