When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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