You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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