the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
