so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
