At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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