It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
