Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
