Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
