so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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