you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
