I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
