apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
should my penis look like a turkey
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
