..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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