I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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