I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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