He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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