I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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