I want to make a zoo with you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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