Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
