These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
