he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
