So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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