so that wasnt chicken after all
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
