will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
