I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My feet surprised me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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