I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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