I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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