Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
