I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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