Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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