Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
