hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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