Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
