Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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