i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
