if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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