Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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