so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
