was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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