You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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