Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We have so much sex to catch up on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
