you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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