I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
