Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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