So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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