Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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