That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
