I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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