but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
